Swagger Project

My dad is turning 63 tomorrow..

Looking at him he looks just like that when I was in first grade.  He’s never old, he is Dad..

Just like any other daddy’s girl, I was true to the stereotype – there is a shining beam of light when he walks into the room. I honestly believed he is forever gonna love me.  Growing up I did not like sharing his affection with my sister, and it didn’t not help to hear that he loves us both equally.  One of those many grown-up, diplomatic cliches that ticks me off . What the heck is up with that? I was determined to be his favorite.

At 16, I told him in a whisper that I got a tattoo in the strictest of confidentiality and he let and out this loud mocking laugh as tho I was kidding him.  He genuinely didn’t cared if I was telling the truth, he was amused and that was that.

Also when I had my first boyfriend I went to his room gleefully for the announcement.  There he was in his bed, clutching pillows in both arms like giant white marshmallows too precious to let go of.  All he had to say was “He’s not the man you’re gonna marry” and that was it, I went back to my room heavy hearten pondering on those words.  Not long after that incident maybe a month went by, I was back in his room this time crying reporting that I no longer have a boyfriend.  Laying on his side he turned up and looked at me. He didn’t not let out a word, but lit a cigarette.  Climbing up to his bed and crawling to his side chubby tears went down my face.  I asked if I could have a puff of his cigarette, he asked if I knew how to smoke, which was more of a statement than a question because by the sound his voice he didn’t seem surprised at all.  He pulled out a stick and lighted it for me.

I would be lost without him, I don’t care how old I’ll get I will always need him.  As we age and earn our own wisdom so do we gradually see the flaws in our parents ways.  Heroes and champions in time become men stripped of valor even in the eyes of their biggest and most loyal of fans.  And then it becomes your turn to love forever. It doesn’t matter anymore who else Dad loves (anyway between me and my sister he loves me longer), the point is he is my favorite and that’s just about all there is to it.